Mom, my tummy hurts…

Three years ago:

Every single morning my son has an ache in his body.  This has been a habit these past couple of years in the morning before school.  There are days I kept him home, to realize that the days before he had a conflict at school.  Another bully, another teasing session, another label a teacher put on him.

I can’t help but feel outraged!  I feel for him and I want to fix it.  Yet, at 11 years old, I cannot fix all his woes, I can only be of support.  I try to give him the tools I find online.  Just google bullying and you will find an array of advice on how to help your child with the fact he has been the “chosen one” and he will have to face these “bullies” all througout his life.  My son has ADHD and yes he’s impulsive, figety and somewhat immature for his age… However, he is also creative, funny and very kind.  He is also known in school for his vigilante skills.. or fighting for the “little one”.

Children can be cruel.  I have been through teasing in primary and secondary school.  My weight, it seems, was an issue for everyone and I was called “fat” “fatso” “pig” “grosse toutoune” “la grosse” etc..etc..  I ended up thinking I was fat all my life, and I still do.  I guess, at 44, I lived up to their expectations.  That is my issue now, thus, when my son comes home crying, I cannot help but cry with him.  I know I have to take charge of my own bullying demons to be able to help him with his.  I do not want him growing up thinking his childhood labels define him.

My son has “punched” a bully twice (please know that for some reason he has a couple of different ones), and I know he’s not perfect either.  However, the day he stood up for himself was the day “that” particular bully stopped teasing him.  And to tell you the complete truth:  High fives were in order that day!  I took him out for ice cream.  I know violence is wrong, yet after all the times he:  talked to an adult who didn’t listen, asked the bully to stop, turned and walked away and the teasing just kept on going.. well a wallop was in order!!

So what do you think?  Have you experienced bullying?

If so.. how did you cope?



4 thoughts on “Mom, my tummy hurts…

  1. Wow, I almost cried reading this. I wonder will it be this intense as my son grows older. I think that your son will figure that you were rewarding his bravery and not the violent act. I mean, everyone has a breaking point.

    I have experienced more bullying in my adult life than in my childhood (sad to say). I combat this by recounting the bullying act after it has occured. I think of the many ways I could have behaved differntly. I usually ignore the bully which leaves them feeling like the fool they are. Recounting the act confirms that I am better than them and allows me to feel like I know I did the right thing by resisting an altercation. Stupid people will take this silence or kindness for weakness which at times encourages more bullying but I still feel like I’ve won. I know I’ve won because I wouldn’t dare treat another human person that way.

    I’m so glad you addressed this. A lot of parents refuse to believe that their child is a bully which obviously doesn’t help the problem. But anyway, you rock! Hang in there!


  2. Reading your post hits close to home for me and for my own experiences with my son, who’s been a victim of bullying too. He’s different because he’s smart and loving and kind. The perfect target. It’s really a crime that we as a society don’t teach children the proper way of being with each other. So many times I’ve heard the outrageous statement that “kids learn how to deal with it on the playground.” We teach math and reading, but we don’t teach and reinforce the lessons of how to behave civilly towards each other. I find schools have a lot of lip service in their ‘bullying’ policies. But they don’t enforce them at the social level.

    BUT I did find a wonderful expert who has some GREAT tips and advice for parents and children on bullying. He is the bully coach.

    He has a book out as well, his name is Dr. Joel Haber

    You can reach him on the web at:

    love and peace, Lisa K.


  3. I was just reading this post over. What a huge difference this year has been for my son.

    No more bullies

    No more stomach aches

    No more wanting to stay home!!

    Yay for him.



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