Go with the flow

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions.  All life is an experiment.  The more experiments you make the better.  What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn?  What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice.  Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last week I posted: Depression hits. Now What? = Love Yourself! I discuss the importance of self-love and the ability to treat and love yourself like you would a child or your best friend. This week I want share some of the strategies which help me with coping with certain fears, thus, often removing the feeling of overwhelm when I begin a new task.  Overwhelm, really makes everything bigger in perspective, so I need to break down tasks into smaller steps.

Dealing with depression and anxiety has been a challenge and a huge awakening at the same time. (see:  Let The Truth Be Known:  I Suffer from Depression) I realize, after some great reflection that depression, anxiety and panic have been part of my life since my early 20’s, maybe even earlier (according to my therapist) However, with this latest onset, I have discovered self-loving ways to overcome some of the challenges I face. These self-loving ways are things I didn’t do in past recoveries.. I mean yes, I started, however, I never took them as serious as I do now. There is the little voice inside of me (which I call my higher self) which guides me through. This “voice” is beginning to replace the “negative voice” which ruled my life for 20 years. These following strategies helped me “unlearn” the old and experience new and loving ways to be gentle with myself.

The two (2) things I needed to work on (huge mountains) were: 1. Self-care (Taking care of my body and showering) and 2. Going out / socializing. These 2 things, if I didn’t pay attention to them, could send me into a deep downward spiral. Think about it.. Looking yucky would lead to more self-hate, and not seeking support or running errands would lead me to feel alone and my kids wouldn’t have food to eat. So, during my treatment, these two areas of my life need to have some sort of plan. A flexible plan.. but a plan.

Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!  ~Allison Gappa Bottke

Plans help me shape my world. I for one, was never really good a making plans and sticking to them. Even with the post today, I had a plan to find some terrific article to back up my post, however, I cannot find a single thing which I find “inspiring”. Being too rigid does not work either. “Go with the flow within guidelines” is my new motto! If I were to stick strictly to adding “facts” from an outside source, it just wouldn’t work. This gives me some control over certain situations and help me feel safe. Just like one would devise an “escape plan” in case of fire, I devise an escape plan in certain situations. Take going out for example:

Lets say I must take a bus to go to an appointment. Taking the bus is quite scary, because this means I am going to be far away from “home base”. Home base, is my safe zone. So I usually devise a plan before I leave giving me a 100% right to change my mind at any time. Meaning, I give myself permission to return to home base.

The first thing I do is to make sure I have my cell phone on me. Then, I stash a $20.00 in my purse. This allows me to take a taxi home if ever panic really strikes. Then as I walk out of the house… I talk to myself. I give myself support throughout the journey. Last week, I had to do this and I told myself I had permission to get off at every stop. This permission allowed me to go all the way!! Get it! When I know I have a choice.. it eases my anxiety.

Choices, we all have. Giving ourselves the right to choose differently allows for freedom. So in the end, I always end up where I wanted to go, or do what I planned to do, because I had a choice! I didn’t feel like I was choking on “I must” or “I have to”.. I felt alleviated with “I can, but I can change my mind at any time”…

As for taking a shower, I now get in the bath! I prepare everything around me. I may even break out a few candles and some bubble bath. I wash my hair with clean water from the tap and rince. Giving myself this “motherly” love is exactly what I need!

You can Google “Anxiety busters” or Depression Strategies to find tons of strategies which will work for you.

Yet, the message here is. Give yourself choices. In most instances, you’ll stick to the plan. However, if one day you don’t, that is ok too.. since it is part of trusting yourself, you can take yourself back home. Just like a mom who promises her child she will pick him/her up right after the first day of school, keep those promises to yourself too! I know I did, and it makes things easier.

Its going out and taking a shower still difficult for me; OH YES! However, now that I have “escape plans” and “mothering techniques” these tasks are much more manageable..and will get even more manageable as my recovery continues.

Keep on moving and smile!



8 thoughts on “Go with the flow

  1. Brava! You are such a genius! We all need to be kind to ourselves, i.e., think, say and do the nice little touches that we tend to let slip by. I like that you have a $20 just in case you need to take a taxi home, that’s excellent.
    I’ve been getting back into exercising and meditating daily and I decided before I began to not tell myself “I hate working out”, “It’s so hard to wake up”, and all that. Instead I remind myself how great I’ll feel when I’m done, how I’ve already noticed more strength in my legs and so on. Not to mention the amazing meditations I’ve been experiencing. All keep me up through the day.
    xo Keep up the self love.


    • Serenity,

      I love your ideas about reminding yourself of the greatness you feel when you work out!

      I remind myself of that when I go for a walk and take pictures. Being creative and active at the same time.

      Self love all the way!


  2. You have expressed such a simple, yet very, very effective method of conquering anything you want to in life by giving yourself choices.

    To realize that and to act on it, by actually preparing for the “just in case(s)” is such a great step forward in healing Kim.

    Sharing this is helping someone. Keep sharing. Keep walking. Keep taking pictures. Keep being the honest, authentic you.


      • Just like you continue to support me Kim. Writing our feelings has kept us connected throughout the miles.

        I am just so happy to see you are healing yourself with truth. Tell yourself the truth and tell others the truth inside of you and you will continue to be on the road to winning this battle and knowing the tools to use when you are not winning this battle.


  3. I love that you are giving yourself choices…the choice to have choices is so powerful. I know I’m just wack myself with at stick to push myself…when I need to just slow down. I have been making mistakes at work (my new job) and my boss told me to slow down and not push myself so damn hard. Really can the Universe be any more blunt?! thanks for the blog girl…we’re all healing with you!! Lots of Love 🙂


      • Healing together and sharing always works because it teaches US that WE are NOT alone.

        Funny thing is..I changed the font to lower caps for US, WE, NOT and it just disappeared into another statement gone unnoticed. We do heal, one baby step at a time. And, we heal by admitting truth.


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