Don’t Know What to Say? Sometimes Silence Is Golden


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I am a big fan of social media. First, it keeps me connected to those I love in times of isolation, and second, it allows me to speak the truth about Mental Health. In 2011 a diagnosis of  major depression, panic disorder and Generalized Anxiety,  set me up for some major time off work. This is when I became an advocate for myself and a voice for those with  mental illnesses who find it difficult to express themselves.

Remember, the journey to recovery is a unique spiritual, medical, physical, and/or psychological experience to be taken by the individual affected. In other words, what works for me, may not work for you, so when reading my post, please take that in consideration. Never, over the years, have I declared my way best (a fix all) yet, sharing my journey seems to resonate with some of my readers going through similar experiences.

Lately, I noticed awesome memes scrolling down my FB news feed, describing « what NOT to say to someone with depression, anxiety, PTSD etc ». I started sharing these, adding my own over the years, however, someone asked me just recently, « what DO I say to someone who is suffering in the moment? » Then it came to me. Sometimes the best thing to say in a moment of crisis is absolutely nothing. Sometimes, body language speaks louder than words:

I am here for you.

Be there. Sit there. Hold their hand. If they shoo your hand away, it may be because their anxiety is so strong they do not want to be touched. You may ask : « what do you need?  Often, I reply : « can you please get me a glass of water and sit with me? »

Often we sit… Once my daughter came  next to me and started breathing deeply, cuing me in the rhythm of deep breath and eventually I end up following, inhaling and exhaling together as I come down from a shattered morning.

Little gestures are HUGE

Just a few weeks ago, my good friend Diane came to pick me up to go shopping. As I entered the car shaken and immersed in anxiety, she said, in her awesome Dianish way : « Hey Chickie, hows it going? » I just sat there, silent as tears welled up. Then I answered:  « Not good, not good at all » . Diane immediately took my hand as I wailed on about this and that and that and this.

I kept  repeating « I’m sorry, so sorry for …. » (I felt like “here she goes again with the tears!’)

« Never be sorry for being YOU » she replied.

The feeling of knowing she was there next to me, rubbing my back, validating my feelings, and just really looking at me with loving eyes, helped me relax.

Comfort was all that I needed.

I will tell you one thing about most peeps with mental illness : We often feel like we are a burden to others. Especially when in a seemingly downward spiral that lasts more than a few days. So when in doubt, please just hold space for us, sit and listen.

That day, Diane blew me away. I have (and I am telling you the truth) never experienced a friendship so unconditional, so loving which allows me to be who I am and it is OK. In other words, there is nothing to fix about me. I am whole, and loveable just the way I am, even with my panic attacks, quirks, and sillies.

The power of a hug.

Silence can be golden, physical touch is too.  Feeling often alone I often  seek hugs, yet, there are times, that is isn’t possible. So when a person comes along and holds us in a big bear hug, this often melts away all tears or even better, allows us to cry in the safety of loving arms.

Did you know: In a study on fears and self-esteem, research published in the journal Psychological Science revealed that hugs and touch significantly reduce worry of mortality. The studies found that hugging — even if it was just an inatimate object like a teddy bear — helps soothe individuals’ existential fears. “Even fleeting and seemingly trivial instances of interpersonal touch may help people to deal more effectively with existential concern,” lead researcher Sander Koole wrote in the study. “Interpersonal touch is such a powerful mechanism that even objects that simulate touch by another person may help to instill in people a sense of existential significance.”  (source: Huffington Post)

Just this Christmas, my family was visiting (I had not seen my dad in a year) and it was time for them to leave.  Since I was the cook and host, I felt like I didn’t have much « quality time » with my dad. Although we speak every single day on chat, having my « daddy » around is always precious. It bring up feelings of comfort and protection. However, when it came time for him to leave, my heart melted into a big pile of mush, and for the first time since I was around 10 years old, I started to cry. The sorrow I felt was deep, and I wanted to run to him and wrap my arms around him and not let go.

Then, as fast as my dad turned around and said bye, I felt 2 arms around me, comforting me in silence.  It was my brother. The one who always seems to want to say the « smart thing to fix me » but he didn’t. He just hugged me until my dad was down the stairs and out the front door.

Silent and loving.

What a gift.

So, in answer to the question… What DO you say to someone in crisis :

« I see you, I hear, you and I validate you »… and that can all be said with no words at all.

Bell-Lets-Talk2TODAY IS #BellLetsTalk Day.  For every tweet, Bell will donate 5 cents towards mental health initiatives. Please tweet this with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk !

Spring Of Life


Until you’ve found pain, you won’t reach the cure
Until you’ve given up life, you won’t unite with the supreme soul
Until you’ve found fire inside yourself, like the Friend,
You won’t reach the spring of life.
Rumi ♥

 

When I first wrote about my depression, in Let The Truth Be Known I Suffer from Depression (1st in a series of 4),  I opened the doors to my soul.  Laying out my experience for everyone and out into the Universe, brought me closer to you my friends and my readers, consequently, it also brought me closer to myself.  I discovered I am not alone suffering in the darkness, and happily so, I had hands to hold along the way.  I even made new connections and built new relationships with those who are or were in the dark too.

This was in January.  Today, after almost 5 months in therapy, and 3 months on medication,  I am actually starting to feel my two feet on the ground again, and the feeling is amazing!  I have made many changes and created a life of quiet. YES! I am a hermit (for now) however, think of it this way, I went from a lifetime of self-hate to entering a new life of self-love.  I want to bask in it, smell it, live it and breathe it! 

I spoke last week about, “taking out the garbage” and wanting to create more loving and meaningful relationships.  This task starts with creating a loving relationship with myself.  So, keeping this in mind, I had to separate myself physically from the world (in a sense) in order to commune with me and with God.  I know I am not separate in spirit.  My spirit is connected with all of you and with the source, so technically, at that time I was connected, just not in ways others think I should.  

Forget what everyone else thinks and live your marvelous life!!!

Creating a loving bond with the person I am allows me to feel true love, the love I have been longing for almost ALL my life, because truthfully I am love.  Love isn’t something to long for, love is something inside each and every one of us.

Hate separates!

The self-hate probably started around 12 or 13, when I thought everyone else abandoned me.  

As the years went by, what I did was abandon myself.  I gained and lost weight, I entered into abusive relationships, I even tried drugs (that didn’t work THANK GOD!!) I gave up everything I loved and adored doing.. my dreams went down the drain.  I was literally living according to the expectations of everyone else and I constantly felt OBLIGATED!  I started looking on the outside for things no one could really give to me.  I fell in love with the potential of love, and this left me empty and scared.

When enough is enough!

When I was at the deepest point of my depression, I felt like I was in a deep dark well.  It was cold, its was terrifying, and I felt like I was drowning in gunk. I prayed for someone to come find me and take me away from what I had, in reality, created all by myself.   Then, the water started freezing my skin, and rose up to my neck,  that is when I looked up and saw a tiny little light up above me.  It was not a person shining a flash light, no rescue worker coming my way, it was your light and it was my light.   The light of everyone who cheered me on during that dark time, I finally grasped onto it and up out of the well I went.  Your light and love, became my light and love.  The meds became the bridge which helped my feet stand on the ground.  

I believe!

They say when you heal on the inside, it starts showing up on the outside.  This, I discovered this week to be so true!  My home is less cluttered, my plants are doing GREAT!, and I can finally look at myself in the mirror again and smile.  I went out last week to get purple streaks in my hair, along with a much needed hair cut, and now I cannot stop looking at myself in the mirror.. I feel pretty again.  I bought myself some new clothes, and just yesterday, I refilled my makeup bag!

Playing spring chicken!

The thing is, I didn’t do all this to attract a new mate in my life.. (which in fact is what the old me would have done) I did all this for me.  This is the difference and I feel it.

I feel in the flow, the Universe is providing me with everything I need, and when this happens, I KNOW I am on the right path.  If I was having tons of difficulties right now, I would be asking myself:  How am I creating this?  So.. when doubts arise like yesterday (yep I started doubting my path) I remind myself of the old “self-sabotaging” me who likes to tease like a jester.  

And.. like last week’s garbage, I told it to EFF off too!  

My feet are on the ground.  I’m dancing.. and singing.. and laughing, and enjoying this little heaven right here and right now!

Going Back to Move Forward


Less than two days left in this old year! Astrologically speaking, that is. On Tuesday, March 20, at 1:14 am EST, the Sun moves into Aries, starting a brand new Zodiac year. This also marks the Vernal Equinox and the beginning of spring in the Northern Hemisphere.  

~Jennifer Shelton FemCentral

In her post today, My year in review and why you should do it too,  Jennifer Shelton writes about the importance of this review.  She states:  ” its  another way to be mindfully aware of what we are doing, so that we are not “sleep walking” through life. Major changes can result with little effort, if we bring awareness to our actions and choices.”

So, in the spirit of being mindful, and wanting to really SEE how far I have come in the past year, here is my review!
In this post, I am already questioning my love for teaching.  Back then, I suspected I was overwhelmed, and probably already suffering from depression.  Feeling overwhelmed I write:
Now I am at a crossroads. I need to bring income into my home, I need to work, however, I do not have the stamina to get into a room of 27 students and babysit them all day. Children today are not the same with subs, and even worse with subs who are not feeling well. They sense it!! and they kill me!!
I can see now, from this blog post, I am starting to see a transformation coming on.  I feel, when I reread this post, that I was preparing myself for TODAY.  In an excerpt I state:
Embarking on a new adventure is always scary. I can stay in the same old rut because it seems to feel safe, however; a rut is not comforting at all! Soon becomes so stale it stinks and I want to be free, which, in turn, begins to cause me great anxiety.

Here I am on an emotional roller coaster.  I feel its time to change my life around, yet, looking back, I was too scared  to do so.  I write:

For some sadness is pain, but to me there is something bigger hiding inside. You know the hurt you feel in your chest? I have to feel it and ride it out, because these past couple of years I’ve been trying to suppress that pain, which in turn has causes me grief. I get panic, anxiety, digestion problems…etc.. All that craziness for blocking the true feelings that live within my soul. 

A turning point!  I find myself searching for this light, that I KNOW is there!  After this post, many of the truths I needed to tell myself came up!  I decided it was time to change my life and jump!

Therefore, this is where I’m at. I’m at the point of renewal. I’ve seen this in my horoscope, on friends FB pages, on twitter.. The message is loud and clear! It is that time for me again. Time to shed my snake skin.

THIS!! Is where I totally started to break free!  After receiving a Tarot Reading from my friend  Sylvia van Bruggen she wrote an intuitive short story for me.  This story resonated with me in more ways than you can imagine. I decided to shed my relationship, this, was a HUGE step for me.  I even had an AHA moment recently.  Here is an excerpt:

….She enjoyed life so much, she played with the birds, danced with the butterflies and giggled at the rabbits as they raced ahead of her on the path. Then she found some stones along her path, and without realizing why, she put those stones in her back pack. Before long the back pack became so heavy her shoulders began to ache and she no longer saw the rabbits, the birds and the butterflies. All she knew was that she had to walk on, with her heavy bag…

August 2011:  Lily Pad

In August of 2011, my dream interpretations started going live!  My first post was Zakaphorian Dreams.  I was also desperately looking for a new place to live with my children.  So much happened that month, good and challenging.  Here is a quote from Maya Angelou which I attached to the poem I wrote.  I wanted to go home.

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. 
Maya Angelou

As my depression grew deeper and deeper, I was constantly trying to find ways to boost my self-esteem.  I truly believe in what I wrote in this post, however, it was a time of great reflection. No excerpts needed, feel free to check out the post.

This post came after being unplugged for 21 days.  The kids and I had moved into our NEW apartment, our home, in the beginning of the month.  This is when everything HIT me and I was truly exhausted.  I write:

When the time came to move out of my life and into this new one.  I was so excited.  I was counting down the days to freedom, and boy oh boy I couldn’t wait!  I would finally be free!! … I had no clue what I was going to face once in my new place, yet I was so sure it would be much better than where I was..  Yet, to my surprise I was faced with something even more scary:  Myself!!!

Nov. 2011:  Getting Naked

In November, I am really feeling it!  I’m lost, I’m afraid, and I have no clue what is going on with my life.  Work is killing me, I am crying every day.  This is the month I walk into a clinic and get help! HELP ME!! So grateful I did, because now I have an amazing therapist who really “gets me”!

It’s not easy to speak the truth.  When you are having a very bad day and someone, an acquaintance, asks:  “Hey, how are you doing?” Your first instinct would be to reply “Fine thanks. You?”  At that moment your mind starts to think for itself.  “You are not fine, darn it, you feel like crap!”  Why do we ever speak the truth when someone asks “Are you ok?”  Instead of replying fine, why don’t we say “Hey, NO, I’m not ok, I feel like shit and I want to crawl under a rock”?  Wouldn’t that be more authentic?

Dec. 2011:  Autentica

December!! Oh great December!  I remember this time, trying to keep face to have a happy Christmas with the children.  The worry, the anxiety, yet finding joy in decorations and baking.  I also decided to stop working, and to take care of ME!

As 2011 ends and 2012 begins… The passage will not be felt, but the continuous movement towards my wise self will followed by light, forwarded by love and entered with faith so strong nothing will stop who I have become.

This post came out for many reasons.  First, I started feeling “judged” for having clinical depression.  Plus, the Bell Canada Let’s Talk campaign was advertizing for Feb 8th, where people around Canada were going to openly talk about depression.  This is one of my most popular posts!

I am writing this post today because I think the world needs a crash course in depression. It affects many of us, men, women, children and teens.. yet I feel there is still a stigma attached to it. Those who have never experienced depression, cannot understand the challenges our minds and bodies experience.

Feb. 2012:  February a Time for Love – Self-Love

I truly believe this is the month I WOKE UP!! A slow wake up, however, I truly discovered and melted into who I really am.. and it was the beginning of the love story between me and me!

…I will sing myself a love song, write myself a love letter and maybe even share some of this new-found love with my children and all of you.. Actually I know I will share all this love I have inside.. because it is there.. waiting to be shared.. but first I need to stash away just a little for me…

Doing this review, allowed me to see how far I have come in the past year.  What I have accomplished is amazing.  The most important thing about this year is staying TRUE to who I am, and not letting others dictate to me what I should or should not do.. most importantly, not letting others DEFINE who I am.  

Kim

Chrysalis Escape


“I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.” ~ Unknown

The above “unknown author” quote was the inspiration for today’s post. I’ve been quiet lately. Especially at home.  My psychotherapist had prescribed “cocooning” as a method of self care and I dove into it full force.   My writing muse has been lost in my journals for the past few days.  I was offline for awhile and I rediscovered my love for my diaries.  I went out and bought myself colored pens, I searched through magazines for pictures, I took out my glue and started decorating!    I have 4 journals now.  A gratitude journal, a journal for my blog, a journal for rambling and another for pictures, quotes and tarot readings.

While offline, I began throwing out things that had been cluttering my new place (already!! I know).  After my last post , I found the need to get rid of some things.  This usually leads to me getting rid of things in the depth of my soul.  I feel old hurts coming up, old wounds which  need to be healed and I am finding my VOICE!

That voice that tells me:  “I love you its ok to be where you are at”!  Last week the “ugly voice” emerged.  It kept on telling me I was “unworthy, lazy and fake!” can you believe this?!!  I found when this old voice speaks, it speaks from my mind.  When the loving voice speaks, it comes from my core.  Right at the center of my stomach.  This, my friends, is an amazing discovery.  My thoughts (some of them) have no power if they do not come from the source, I know this now.  The source is at the center of myself, the center is connected to all things which make us ONE.

Change is an announcement of Life’s intention to go on. Change is the fundamental impulse of life itself.”– Neale Donald Walsch

Since my depression diagnosis, I’ve discovered so many things about myself I didn’t know.  I am literally falling in love with me!  Yet, the old voices are fighting for their life, while I fight for mine, and they are not winning. I learned, with Jennifer Shelton, reading her post Confident or egotistical? Consider the Source to let the voices come, and they will dissolve. I did an Ego Busting session with Sylvia van Bruggen.  Sylvia’s wisdom and genuine love gave ME a voice to tell the ugliness to “F-Off!”  I love this part, although sometimes I speak out loud and my kids will turn away and say “What did you say mom?”  my usual reply “I’m just talking to myself” but really I am not, I am speaking to a voice that is ingrained in me since childhood, this voice and these thoughts are NOT me!   Fighting with them is fruitless, but speaking and acknowledging their presence helps them dissolve.

This is quite a challenging, yet exciting path I am on.  I went from one extreme to the other, and I feel I am about to emerge even more in the next month or so with a better, loving and trusting sense of self.  I have this itch to go out there and discover the world, and I know I must do it in baby steps.  With anxiety and depression with me, I must not jump off the cliff, yet integrate myself at a slow pace trusting the Universe is conspiring on my behalf to help me fulfill my purpose.

This is where I am at.  Taking the ride down the river of purpose.  Slowly finding what makes me tick, what makes me shine and glow like a Tinkerbell!  On this ride so far, I’ve rediscovered writing, photography, and I know I love to help others.  But first, I must help myself.. care for myself, and first and foremost listen to the inner loving voice of my power chakra.

What makes you tick? What is your passion?  Have you rediscovered something you once loved?  Please share with me!

Kim

Go with the flow


Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions.  All life is an experiment.  The more experiments you make the better.  What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn?  What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice.  Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Last week I posted: Depression hits. Now What? = Love Yourself! I discuss the importance of self-love and the ability to treat and love yourself like you would a child or your best friend. This week I want share some of the strategies which help me with coping with certain fears, thus, often removing the feeling of overwhelm when I begin a new task.  Overwhelm, really makes everything bigger in perspective, so I need to break down tasks into smaller steps.

Dealing with depression and anxiety has been a challenge and a huge awakening at the same time. (see:  Let The Truth Be Known:  I Suffer from Depression) I realize, after some great reflection that depression, anxiety and panic have been part of my life since my early 20’s, maybe even earlier (according to my therapist) However, with this latest onset, I have discovered self-loving ways to overcome some of the challenges I face. These self-loving ways are things I didn’t do in past recoveries.. I mean yes, I started, however, I never took them as serious as I do now. There is the little voice inside of me (which I call my higher self) which guides me through. This “voice” is beginning to replace the “negative voice” which ruled my life for 20 years. These following strategies helped me “unlearn” the old and experience new and loving ways to be gentle with myself.

The two (2) things I needed to work on (huge mountains) were: 1. Self-care (Taking care of my body and showering) and 2. Going out / socializing. These 2 things, if I didn’t pay attention to them, could send me into a deep downward spiral. Think about it.. Looking yucky would lead to more self-hate, and not seeking support or running errands would lead me to feel alone and my kids wouldn’t have food to eat. So, during my treatment, these two areas of my life need to have some sort of plan. A flexible plan.. but a plan.

Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!  ~Allison Gappa Bottke

Plans help me shape my world. I for one, was never really good a making plans and sticking to them. Even with the post today, I had a plan to find some terrific article to back up my post, however, I cannot find a single thing which I find “inspiring”. Being too rigid does not work either. “Go with the flow within guidelines” is my new motto! If I were to stick strictly to adding “facts” from an outside source, it just wouldn’t work. This gives me some control over certain situations and help me feel safe. Just like one would devise an “escape plan” in case of fire, I devise an escape plan in certain situations. Take going out for example:

Lets say I must take a bus to go to an appointment. Taking the bus is quite scary, because this means I am going to be far away from “home base”. Home base, is my safe zone. So I usually devise a plan before I leave giving me a 100% right to change my mind at any time. Meaning, I give myself permission to return to home base.

The first thing I do is to make sure I have my cell phone on me. Then, I stash a $20.00 in my purse. This allows me to take a taxi home if ever panic really strikes. Then as I walk out of the house… I talk to myself. I give myself support throughout the journey. Last week, I had to do this and I told myself I had permission to get off at every stop. This permission allowed me to go all the way!! Get it! When I know I have a choice.. it eases my anxiety.

Choices, we all have. Giving ourselves the right to choose differently allows for freedom. So in the end, I always end up where I wanted to go, or do what I planned to do, because I had a choice! I didn’t feel like I was choking on “I must” or “I have to”.. I felt alleviated with “I can, but I can change my mind at any time”…

As for taking a shower, I now get in the bath! I prepare everything around me. I may even break out a few candles and some bubble bath. I wash my hair with clean water from the tap and rince. Giving myself this “motherly” love is exactly what I need!

You can Google “Anxiety busters” or Depression Strategies to find tons of strategies which will work for you.

Yet, the message here is. Give yourself choices. In most instances, you’ll stick to the plan. However, if one day you don’t, that is ok too.. since it is part of trusting yourself, you can take yourself back home. Just like a mom who promises her child she will pick him/her up right after the first day of school, keep those promises to yourself too! I know I did, and it makes things easier.

Its going out and taking a shower still difficult for me; OH YES! However, now that I have “escape plans” and “mothering techniques” these tasks are much more manageable..and will get even more manageable as my recovery continues.

Keep on moving and smile!

 

 

Depression hits.. Now what? Love yourself!


Until you’ve found pain, you won’t reach the cure

Until you’ve given up life, you won’t unite with the supreme soul

Until you’ve found fire inside yourself, like the Friend,

You won’t reach the spring of life.

Rumi ♥

hhhhhhh

hhhhhhh

Last week I came out of the closet with my post: Let The Truth be Known:  I Suffer from Depression  I acknowledge the myths about depression seeking to help those who do not suffer from this mental illness understand just a bit more, and to furthermore relate to those who do.  The same day, I noticed this post opened doors to many of you who have had depression or are still fighting it.. writing letters and comments which warmed my heart. To you I say thanks!

This week I want to talk about the beacon which keeps me on top of things. The little light inside me which flickers the fire to stay focused on my healing. It is not easy, at times, when I wake up at 4am in sheer panic, like I did this week, wondering what the hell is happening? The wheels of life start turning so fast in my brain that I cannot fall back to sleep… It is quite scary.

However, I am reminded of how a mother loves her child. Being so close to my mother and my children, I realized this week, if only I can love myself like mom loves me, or how I love my children. So I set out to find words of comfort when I feel like the world is spinning. I ask myself “What would my mom say to me now?” or “What would I be telling my children?”

While researching this post, I found an article online: Self-Compassion: Treating Yourself As You’d Treat a Good Friend by Kristen Neff. She defines self compassion (after studying Buddhist writings) as: kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.

She writes:

  • Self-kindness refers to the tendency to be supportive and understanding with ourselves rather than harshly critical or judgmental. Instead of tearing ourselves to shreds when we fail or make a mistake, we soothe and comfort ourselves, providing the caring concern needed to try again.
  • Common humanity involves recognizing that all humans are imperfect. It allows us to connect our own flawed condition to the shared human condition so that we can have a greater perspective on our personal shortcomings and difficulties.
  • Mindfulness can be defined as the clear seeing and acceptance of what is occurring in the present moment. It involves being aware of one’s painful feelings in a balanced manner so that one neither ignores nor exaggerates personal suffering.

These 3 self-care tools are what I have implemented in my healing, along with therapy, medication and support.

These things often shed light on the situation I am going through and help me stay grounded in my personal space. So when I am having a panic attack, instead of trying to run away from it, which is often the case during panic attacks, I first drink a very tall cold glass of water (something my mom would tell me to do), then I speak to myself in ways that are soothing: ie:  “You’re ok!! This too shall pass”. I may also reach out on the phone or online to seek support during the crisis, and then stay grounded by following mindfulness techniques like meditating on my feet!! Feeling my feet on the ground, really helps me regain consciousness during an attack!

I have plenty of self-care tools to run too, thus I think its important for those suffering from depression to seek out those beacons of light to help in the healing process. We are not alone!

Concluding today’s post, Kristen Neff writes:

“…the more you’re able to admit the pain of being a limited human being and accept this fact with kindness and equanimity, the more you’ll be able to heal your pain. By soothing and comforting yourself, just as a caring mother soothes and comforts her child when he or she is hurt, you will be able to rebound from setbacks more quickly. You will have the emotional resources needed to take on new challenges and reach your full potential. Beating yourself up doesn’t help anyone — least of all yourself.”

I totally agree! This is new for me too.. so the next time you are so bummed out your body is riddled with fear? What mothering technique could you do to self-comfort in a loving way?

Note: You can find more information on the writings of Kristen Neff by following the link to her site: www.self-compassion.org she has written a book entitled: Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

Blessings of love,

ooo

Tornadoes, Elevators and Daniel Craig? Go!


Introducing Julie Seibert, the owner of Reawaken Your Brilliance    a Web TV Radio/Talk show available online.  You must check her out.  She came to me with a dream last month really thinking she was crazy! However, most dreams do not make sense until we really look at them. I invite you to take a look.

The Dream

Last night I dreamt that I was in Miami (never have been, knew that was where I was). Was with a younger man. Liked him, but I was much older, We were at his condo. We are walking down and there is an area where you can eat that is glass right against the ocean. I see the waves are starting to look menacing. We go up towards the elevator. My intutiion says dont go. I can see a twister forming in the ocean. We punch #s and go up and up and all the way to the top which isn’t where he lives and then suddenly start going down and stopping. I think I am going to die, get stuck (I have a fear of enclosed places. When I am very stressed I don;t like being trapped in elevators, etc.). We go down very fast and I see water leaking in the elevator. I think we are being swallowed by ocean.

We get out of the elevator and the waves are coming after us. My friend is worried about me–he thinks I’m going to die, but for some strange reason I know even though I am about to get pummeled I am going to be okay. So, get gulped up by the water and am okay. Then I see that twister again. And the guy is like what is a twister and I am like that thing and point to it….It then starts to come towards us, so we run by the elevator and hide from it. It is like a person–looking for us and does a little dance until it finds me and starts to come after me and then I wake up.

Now, what is interesting is that the night before I had this dream and I am with Daniel Craig. We are in a room and I say hold my hand I’m scared. He does and is very gentle with me. He is filming an independent movie and we have become close. Some movie stuff and then we are hiding from others. Then the next thing we remember we are rock climbing and I get stuck on this area. The only way I can see is up and I am afraid. And stuck. But then all of sudden he shows me how to get around. I can climb down towards him and get around the tall rock.

Yesterday, I went to the bank about refi as I need to. The guy had coloring like Daniel, so I thought that was help from my guardian angel., But, in the dream I really thought Daniel represented my soulmate. And it was a message, he is coming and he will help you–just feel very alone now, wanting someone.

What I thought was interesting was this feeling of hope the night before and then last night, this dream. I should also add I have been depressed for about two weeks–but it is like a fog that desended upon me and is starting to lift./ Have been depressed in the past, but for the most part have worked through that, so this was very surprising.

The Interpretation

I believe, as does Carl Jung, dreams are a mirror of our subconscious  mind thus, mirror what we go through no matter how crazy the dreams seem.  The symbols in the dream are usually what they mean to you. I rarely go to a book, but will on occasion research for reference.  Also, there are also “roles” in your dreams.  The Id, The Ego and The Superego.  Those 3 roles often represent a part of you.

The id:  The child – wishes, desires, playfull and sometimes seem spoiled.
The Ego:  yourself in the dream
The Superego:  Parental, morality, judgement etc.

Recurring Dream from my Childhood by Caleb Lin

I often refer to my intuition and to similar dreams I have had or interpreted in the past. All this put together is called mapping.  I map out your dream, with all the symbols, meanings, roles etc.. and then to put them together like a puzzle. So here it goes.

I am going to start with the Daniel Craig dream since it came first.

You tell me that Daniel Craig represents your Soulmate to you. I have no doubt in my mind that he does.  However, I also think he represents a part of you which is NOT the id or ego, but the Protector.  I had someone have a very similar dream about a celeb (see dream here) whom she believes is her soul mate.  This soul mate is there to tell you that you can have all these qualities that you love in this person in yourself.  You have taken yourself to the bank, and asked for refinance and I think your intuition is dead on where you know you  will get the help needed but maybe not in the way that may be obvious.

You see with Daniel you ask for help!! You ask him to hold your hand.  Yet you say you are hiding from others and that he’s filming an independent movie!  Which makes me wonder Julie, are you hiding this refi thing from some friends or some family?  If this refi doesn’t work out.. Have you thought of asking for help?  Do you see that language.. INDEPENDENT .. Daniel totally represents that independent /self-employed person.  So keep an open mind when it comes to asking for help from outside sources!

I know too well this feeling of climbing then feeling stuck.  I love that all you could see is up (prayers) and then get help to come down (answer to prayers) You had faith in Daniel and he guided you down.  Have faith in yourself, others and the Universe.  They will also guide you down, so that you can finally feel grounded.

Dream 2

It is obvious both dreams are connected.  Like I said in our email exchange, both involve men, feeling stuck and help.  I also see a common theme of getting up or down or away from something.  Your depression and anxiety are represented by the bad weather and the tornado.  In my life, anxiety is often represented by storms and tornadoes in my dreams.  So since you’ve been feeling the veil slowly coming off in waking life, the gentle Daniel Craig dream shows this.

Starting off in sunny Miami is a great way to start a dream.  Although you only can know what significance Miami is to you!  To me it’s a familiar and popular vacation spot and wher many flock to visit during the winter.  I also think of CSI or MIAMI vice when I think of Miami.. So ask youself what Miami means to you.

You are with a younger guy, who again represents a part of you, but this time NOT the protector.. I think he’s the ID.  The younger side of you.  This guy is attentive but not as attentive as Daniel.  In this dream you bypass your instincts by going to towards the glass restaurant.. I had to look this one up.. Rooms surrounded by glass may mean you are putting an invisible barrier around you.. (could be that veil) or it could mean you need clarity or a combo of both.

What I see here in all that chaos.. Going up then down fast.. Waves tornadoes, feeling stuck.. Etc.. This is your anxiety. The thing you fear is chasing you.  What is that fear?  What is it you need to acknowledge in your life right now?  Could it be fearing the loss of control if you lose your house?  Or something in that manner?  Again, do you need to ASK for help here Julie in this situation?

Is seems to me that you are in great distress at this part of your dream.. Which leads me to believe that this is affecting you in your daily life right now.. Feeling stuck, choked, can’t breathe!

The fact that you come around in your dream and KNOW you are going to be ok.. Is self-comforting.  Because, truthfully, you know deep down that no matter what happens .. Everything IS going to be ok.  You have that tool at your disposal.

THE ELEVATOR:  Going up the elevator may represent your success and how you feel you’ve accomplished in life, going down can represent feeling grounded.. Coming down for awhile to assess the situation you are in.

Have you been contemplating a change in the way you do your show?  Have you been looking for new sources of income?

The fact the tornadoish person is chasing you at the end of your dream leads me to believe that maybe, you are hard on youself.  I think that particular tornado is like a bully!  Trying to put you down.. You know all that negative self talk we do? ..

In conclusion, I think both dreams are connected, that you have listened to your wise self / soul mate Daniel Craig.  You may need to reassess your situation with the refi (have a plan B) if it doesn’t work out.

Continue to be kind, loving and gentle with yourself.  Be Daniel Craig.. Hold your own hand and go!


A “Shout Out” from Julie Seibert

I have to give a huge shout out to Kim Larocque for an amazing dream reading/interpretation. Right off the bat she noticed patterns of what my dreams were trying to tell me. She then asked what certain symbols meant for me before giving me my final analysis! I was BLOWN AWAY. I have been hiding needing a refinancing of my home (I’m embarrassed) and was afraid to ask for help…She nailed that, among other things. What I really appreciated was her encouragement and gentle way of explaining what the dream was about and what I needed to pay attention to….