21 days

They say (and I really never found out who “they” are) it takes 21 days to create a new habit.  It takes 3 weeks to settle into a new way, a change, a transformation of sorts.  A couple of months ago, I blogged about my truth, that I was looking for my new place in order to begin a new adventure.

When the time came to move out of my life and into this new one.  I was so excited.  I was counting down the days to freedom, and boy oh boy I couldn’t wait!  I would finally be free!! … I had no clue what I was going to face once in my new place, yet I was so sure it would be much much better than where I was..  Yet, to my surprise I was faced with something even more scary:  Myself!!!

Don’t get me wrong, my new place is great!  It’s clean, fresh, and full of light.  We established our space, the children and I, and finally got to the point that YES, this feels like home.  Yet, something inside of me was screaming!  With no internet, limited cell phone use, and no cable tv.  I had no place to escape from what was going on inside me.  My support system online was gone, and my family and friends had limited time for me.  My adult mind understood that, however, inside of me I was angry, hurt and felt so alone.

I tried different ways to ease the discomfort I was feeling.  For one,  I started buying the newspaper (something I haven‘t done for many years) but I couldn’t sit still long enough to read it or do the crosswords (although the crosswords did become a good distraction week 1 and 2).  My stomach was in knots from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep.  The movement in me felt dark and cold and I thought I was going crazy.  Literally!

Speak the truth to yourself about what you feel, about what you need, about what you see, about what you want. So many of us don’t tell ourselves the truth. We don’t speak the truth into our spirits. And then we can’t understand why there’s so many dishonorable things going on in our lives. This is about you and your voice and your truth.  Iyanla Vanzant

One day, after calling a local health center for help, I was put on a waiting list for therapy, yet thought to myself:   “How can I wait 2 and a half months when I need help NOW?!!!”  I was determined not to take “wait” for an answer.  So, the next morning I followed an instinct I had previously to go to the community center.  I put my coat on and walked across the street, opened their door and walked right in.  I was in tears when Sylvia (a kind woman) greeted me and she asked how she could help.  I wanted to know if there were any support groups for separated/divorced people.  She led me into her office and listened with a gentle ear.  I felt welcomed, I knew right there and then I walked into the right place.

Sylvia, referred me to a licenced life coach/psychotherapist, who called me that night to set up an appointment for the next day.  I was so relieved.  I went promptly the next morning and she greeted me with love.  We immediately set goals for myself, but most importantly, she listened to me, she valued me and acknowledged me.  That was exactly what I needed.  To be seen and heard!!!  She also urged me to keep contact with my online friends, however, I didn’t know how since I didn’t have access to internet very often. So I got creative and asked two of my online friends if they would be so kind as to keep my company through texting.  They accepted and I felt even more connected spiritually to them and the outside world.  Thanks Ladies!!

Being unplugged for 21 days was a gift in disguise, it helped me face the darkness I was experiencing to an intensity that I couldn’t handle, which led me to seek help (thus the reason it is important to seek help when your gut is telling you, mine told me years ago).   I am now taking responsibility for my life, and facing my truths.. YES ALL OF THEM! One at a time.

In order to do this, I must be kind and gentle with myself.  Right now I am reading In The Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant (for the 4th time) yet, every time I read it, I work on something even more deep.  This week I was reading this passage which is extremely powerful:

She writes:

“With the old you gone and the new you emerging:  when you find yourself in a situation similar to one you faced in the past, you can create a new response.  …. Love those who come to wallow in your stuff with you.  As you are loving them, you can fogive you.  FORGIVE YOU FOR MAKING IT SO DIFFICULT ON YOURSELF… Forgive you for having such bad feelings about the people who have been trying to help you.  Forgive you for asking and allowing other people to help you hurt yourself.  This is the ultimate demonstration of responsibility and just about all you will need to propel you up…” p 278

I cried at this point, because I know, I am the bully to myself.  That is the truth I was seeking.  From now on… no more bullying:  I am kind and gentle with me and that my friend is a promise I am making to myself.

Being back online is wonderful!  I do not think I want to go 21 days unplugged again.  I am a true believer support through spirit and even though my online friends come from everywhere around the world, they are my friends and I need them.  However, I will take more time offline to focus on things which I need to work on, and that is what I call balance!

So, if ever you are experiencing a life crisis, go unplugged for 21 days.. You would be surprised at what you will find.


Beware or Be Aware

Beware of missing chances; otherwise it may be altogether too late some day.

Franz Liszt

be aware


The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.

Henry Miller quotes

There is a debate in some word forums on the net.  Do beware and be aware mean the same thing?

Obviously one: be aware, refers to our spacial surroundings, and beware is a warning.  However, taken into context, I see how the use of the words be aware, can drastically change how one approaches something  scary.  Beware of the spider tells you the spider is dangerous and may or may not kill you!  Be aware of the spider lets you know there is a spider around, but you can work around it if you are AWARE of its P8200067presence.

Which brings me to today’s post.  This weekend, Uncle David, took the children to Les Cascades De Rawdon

I was quite apprehensive at first, because I was in no mood to be beach bum that day, and I was letting my children go somewhere they have never been before. I tagged along anyway to take pictures, but David led the way to the rocks.  The first sign one sees going down is: (it says access to rocks is forbidden)

I’ve been trying to teach my children (and myself) to be AWARE of their surroundings.  Sometimes, especially in this IPOD tech age, I see kids blindly crossing the street, or carelessly riding their bikes with headphones in their ears.  They are not always aware of the cars or people around them, and sometimes accidents happen.

Everyone going down the stairs never stopped to look at the sign, they just trotted on down fearlessly walking towards the rocks to find a place to perch themselves to sunbathe and maybe swim. My children were going off on their own it was then I pointed to uncle David and yelled “Follow his lead, stay with David!”  They changed direction and met up with him.

The next half hour was quite scary.  Although I was looking from above (didn’t stay down) I could not see my children Swimming forbidden!anymore. I could see David’s white hat, but no kids.  After awhile my eyes caught a glimpse of their tiny bodies and I saw they were swimming.   My mind was screaming (BEWARE of the current) but obviously they didn’t hear me.  Then, not 10 minutes later, the first thunderclaps came along with the dark clouds above.  Rain started falling and people were all coming out of the water and off the rocks to climb back up the stairs to safety.

… but NOT my children.

I saw David grabbing his stuff and carefully walking the rocks towards the stairs, but NOT MY CHILDREN!   My children were in their own bubble, and unaware of what was going on around them.  They didn’t see the clouds, they didn’t notice the people leaving, they were swimming like fish away from where they should be heading.  They were on an adventure!  All the way on the other side of the lake/chutes.  I was panicking! They obviously weren’t.. not by then but…

When the kids finally took a minute to look around and saw thatP8200068 David was gone from his spot, they later told me, they were scared.  They didn’t know which way to go for safety as they were too far from the shore they came from, but close enough to another shore “The Private Campground” (see in pic the little log house).   R took his car to see if he could drive to the other side.  He got there and the children were starting to head back towards me and David.  My daughter panicked. She was stuck on a rock and too scared to go either way anymore, the current around her was strong..  Her friend coached her down and the kids finally found their way to R as he was frantically waving and screaming to get their attention.

They got up.. They were safe!

All the signs say BEWARE, but everyone ignores the signs.  Isn’t better to be AWARE of what is going on around you?  The children obviously would have seen David and the crowd leaving the rocks and making their way back to safety.   In our own lives, are we always AWARE of what is going on around us? I know I tend to go into my bubble at shopping malls and accidentally bump into all kinds of people and things.  As adults do we really pay attention to:  BEWARE?

I think most of us do, but when 100 or so people are doing the same dangerous thing at once, we tend to say OK, well that’s not so bad, let’s go!   Yet, would you enter someone’s yard if you saw this big  sign:  BEWARE of dog? I don’t think so. Who wants to find out the hard way what resides on the other side of the fence?  Especially if you hear its incessant barking!  Those things we pay attention to.

So, what makes you pay attention?

Thinking of this story, what moment in your life did you get hurt or miss out on something big because you did not pay attention to the signs?

Let me know in the comments below..

As an added note:  Our dreams are signs, they manifest because we are NOT being aware of what is going on in our real lives.  If you have any dreams you want me to check out.  Send me an email:  kim.larocque@sympatico.ca