“I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.” ~ Unknown
The above “unknown author” quote was the inspiration for today’s post. I’ve been quiet lately. Especially at home. My psychotherapist had prescribed “cocooning” as a method of self care and I dove into it full force. My writing muse has been lost in my journals for the past few days. I was offline for awhile and I rediscovered my love for my diaries. I went out and bought myself colored pens, I searched through magazines for pictures, I took out my glue and started decorating! I have 4 journals now. A gratitude journal, a journal for my blog, a journal for rambling and another for pictures, quotes and tarot readings.
While offline, I began throwing out things that had been cluttering my new place (already!! I know). After my last post , I found the need to get rid of some things. This usually leads to me getting rid of things in the depth of my soul. I feel old hurts coming up, old wounds which need to be healed and I am finding my VOICE!
That voice that tells me: “I love you its ok to be where you are at”! Last week the “ugly voice” emerged. It kept on telling me I was “unworthy, lazy and fake!” can you believe this?!! I found when this old voice speaks, it speaks from my mind. When the loving voice speaks, it comes from my core. Right at the center of my stomach. This, my friends, is an amazing discovery. My thoughts (some of them) have no power if they do not come from the source, I know this now. The source is at the center of myself, the center is connected to all things which make us ONE.
“Change is an announcement of Life’s intention to go on. Change is the fundamental impulse of life itself.”– Neale Donald Walsch
Since my depression diagnosis, I’ve discovered so many things about myself I didn’t know. I am literally falling in love with me! Yet, the old voices are fighting for their life, while I fight for mine, and they are not winning. I learned, with Jennifer Shelton, reading her post Confident or egotistical? Consider the Source to let the voices come, and they will dissolve. I did an Ego Busting session with Sylvia van Bruggen. Sylvia’s wisdom and genuine love gave ME a voice to tell the ugliness to “F-Off!” I love this part, although sometimes I speak out loud and my kids will turn away and say “What did you say mom?” my usual reply “I’m just talking to myself” but really I am not, I am speaking to a voice that is ingrained in me since childhood, this voice and these thoughts are NOT me! Fighting with them is fruitless, but speaking and acknowledging their presence helps them dissolve.
This is quite a challenging, yet exciting path I am on. I went from one extreme to the other, and I feel I am about to emerge even more in the next month or so with a better, loving and trusting sense of self. I have this itch to go out there and discover the world, and I know I must do it in baby steps. With anxiety and depression with me, I must not jump off the cliff, yet integrate myself at a slow pace trusting the Universe is conspiring on my behalf to help me fulfill my purpose.
This is where I am at. Taking the ride down the river of purpose. Slowly finding what makes me tick, what makes me shine and glow like a Tinkerbell! On this ride so far, I’ve rediscovered writing, photography, and I know I love to help others. But first, I must help myself.. care for myself, and first and foremost listen to the inner loving voice of my power chakra.
What makes you tick? What is your passion? Have you rediscovered something you once loved? Please share with me!