Unseen Fury


Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

A couple of weeks ago I introduced you to Christiana and posted her dream:  Transparency  Christiana has the most unbelievable dreams, and her dreams are taking me places I have never been before.

This week’s dream comes after a period of “unease” for Christiana, and since then she’s on an upward trend. She is accepting where she is at the moment. I love Christiana’s way of loving and healing others she has a calling and I have experienced it first hand… So I want to thank her for allowing me, once again, to use her dream for this week’s Dream Friday.

In her words (her feelings before the dream)

“Although I do feel that I’m very lucky with the way we live, sometimes I feel that the kids and hubby neglect doing some little things that would make my life easier like picking their dishes and clothes…. and it is getting on my nerves.

Plus I did get anxious and fury and was in a hurry to finally connect with my guides and find and work on my path.. I saw everybody else doing it and was left behind….”

The Dream

We brought our dog to a dog spa… (we do have a little dog) to have a hair cut and a bath. The place looked quite dark and small, like an old downtown apartment… but it had a back yard which actually looked like a greek forest (not so green and wild like the Black Forest!!! – mostly with pines, that had thrown some of their needles forming a nice brown carpet…). I gave the dog to the “reception” and went back with the rest of the family, that being my parents, too! We were sitting on some picnic wooden tables there, relaxing.

Then we changed scene and were at my parent’s house. They had the newborn baby of a cousin of mine (!!!) with the eldest sister being 2 years old. This looked really strange to me, in that how could my mom take care of a newborn and why on earth did the mother leave it there… It was a huge baby, really over-sized and almost ready to walk and I was really worried because they let it on its car sit but it was moving a lot and was ready to fall any time… The eldest sister, however, although two yrs,  looked much younger… like having a problem… Can’t remember much of the rest…

Going back to the dog spa… although it felt we were always there, as we were sitting there and waiting, I saw my father coming staggering (in real life he can’t walk alone due to the strokes and Alzheimer’s) but walking alone, until he fell on his knees, but still without any help… this was really frustrating and I went back to the reception to ask when our dog would be ready… They told me there was a minor delay and then I got furious, telling them that we’ve been waiting for more than a day there (!!!) with my father who had a problem and couldn’t stay longer (I made them watch him as he was staggering) leaving behind two babies that couldn’t help themselves…

The Interpretation

Your dog is your companion, and after discussing with you this morning, I think it represents a part of you that is loyal, communicative and full of unconditional love. In your dream you take your dog in for “self-care” a spa! When I think of a spa.. I think of a beautiful place to be pampered where everyone is paying “attention” to you and giving you care. Yet, this spa is mall and dark.. with a black forest back yard.. which leads me to ask.. Are you trying to take care of yourself but only finding it dark devoid of space? Do you need attention from those around you? Family, kids or husband? Are you feeling a bit lonely? The forest, to me, represents space that is expanding but still not clear. Clutter is around! Maybe, you should move away from where you are meditating.. Is your “enviroment” now assisting you in your growth? Do you see beauty?

You return to your family and find them relaxing at picnic tables… this turns into your parents house! Parents, in dreams, often represent the superego! The superego often tries to suppress the needs of the id (which is child) … These two children are, in your opinion, mistreated in a way.. You wondered how “mom” could take care of a newborn? Are you wondering how yourself can really focus on taking care of yourself? Then there is the oddities with these children: One being larger than it seems, and the other being smaller that it seems.. Then I am thinking.. Is the baby an endeavor or project that seems overwhelming for you and you fear you will not carry it out? On the other hand, there is a child who is smaller than her age.. are you having problems with something that should be easy for you? I think there are two things like this in your life.. and your are avoiding taking care of them for these reasons!! Tend to them.. do not let the Superego win!!!

Back to the spa… waiting.. You seem to be waiting for your dog to be ready.. you get frustrated because your father is not well.. you must get out of there !! FURY! Do you think your father represent’s that side of you that is “struggling” right now? Do you feel that you are staggering at times? Trying to get up but feel you fall down? The fury you feel.. can it be those feelings you shared with me that you feel jealous sometimes of other people’s progress? (Note: This was a good thing Christiana admitted. Often we all get to a point in our journey where we wish we were blossoming faster) I think maybe so… You want you (the dog) to be “ready!!” ready ready ready!!

I’m seeing many sides of you in this dream… what I think now Christiana.. is that you need to tend to those babies.. Those babies .. can represent you, projects, things that you love.. but most importantly.. be gentle with yourself.. allow yourself to have a “spa day” even if it is in your own bathtub.. allow yourself to be exactly what you are.. tend to what you love.. and you will know when you are “ready” to move to the next step!.

Testimonial

“Dearest soul, you have helped me so much with shedding light in ways I could never imagine!!!”

Christiana 

Face Above – Workin’ on trust


Only as high as I reach can I grow,
Only as far as I seek can I go,
Only as deep as I look can I see,
Only as much as I dream can I be.
~Karen Ravn

This past week or so, my fascination for dreams and what lies in them, has grown even deeper.   Every time someone surrenders a dream to me, I am amazed and perplexed at the mysteries that lie within.

For the past few days I’ve posted consecutive dreams my good friend Mel has experienced over a two-week period.  These dreams came to her after much self-work and questioning.  You can read more about Mel here, and find dream 1, dream 2, and dream 3.

This final dream, is a short one, but the message is powerful.  In the end, it’s all about trust!   I want to give Mel a big thanks and a hug for letting me do this! 

 

The Dream

Last night’s started with me and my closest Aunty in a car together that I was driving. I said to her: ‘Did you lock up the flat on your way out?’ She said: ‘Well not lock it, I just let the door shut on its own. It locks automatically doesn’t it.’ I stopped the car. I was shocked. I felt panic. I said: ‘No. I need to go back and make sure the door is firmly locked. I know you’re right and it will more than likely be alright but just in case. I will pull into the main car park for visitors as it’s the quickest way to get up there as soon as possible. You will need to watch the car for me.’ She agreed although I was slightly panicked as my aunt cannot drive and so she wouldn’t be able to move the car if someone checked and realised I was parked in the carpark where I shouldn’t be. I went into the building which is like one of those baroque italian buildings with a concierge at the desk etc. I get the feeling I was in Italy. I started to rush up the stairs but realised I needed to go up seven flights of stairs and I was quite tired already so I pushed the button for the lift on the second floor even though the lift was quite slow. It finally came and I jumped in and got to my floor. I did discover the door to my flat was unlocked but when I checked nobody had been inside. I locked the door and felt better that I had stopped and checked for myself.

 

The Interpretation

Since you are driving the car Mel, it tells me that you are capable and working on navigating from one stage to another in your personal growth. Which is what you are doing in your life now. Your aunty represents the parts of you who IS strong, determined, family oriented and loyal. This is the second time loyalty comes into play, so being loyal to yourself is important. Especially these times when you feel you have trouble fitting in to your environment. Stay true to who you are!

You seem to not totally trust that part of yourself that is your aunty. You had to go back up and check the apt, when in fact, she felt all would be ok. When you did double-check (which took time and effort although you avoided the long hard way up Thank God) you saw that all was well. (like worrying for nothing which we all do at times)

The fact that you left her in the parked car a bit worried, leads me to believe that you seem to resist accepting to relax and just be and have fun. Go go have fun and do something for yourself. It’s so important.

 

Mel’s Response

I had to sit with this for the day and think about it. You are right about the trust part of things. I always doubt myself all the time! There are two sides of me. There is the part of me who is quite slapdash and forgetful and very much of MY family. The part that leaves the door unlocked and there is the careful, sensible part of me which fits in with me since I’ve left home. The part that I WANT to be ALWAYS. Does this make sense with your interp do you think. I think it adds another level on what you told me. This ties in again though with the part which doesn’t know how to relax and have fun. As you know I’m often not doing stuff but it’s not relaxing. I am still worrying about the stuff I ‘should’ be doing and not really having fun. I’ve practised doing stuff when and if I want, rather than doing stuff because I feel I have to and it’s really not easy. I don’t want to move from a place in myself of fear any more but from a place of love.

How do you think this fits in with your interp? I think it fits in rather well. Kind of like putting another sheet of acetate over a page with more information on it.

Mel

This journey of self-love for Mel and all of us, is a journey of a lifetime.  The dreams were only a small part of this journey, however, our dreams do act as a compass and give us insight to what lies beyond our waking lives.  Our dreams CAN and if you let them guide you, WILL take your hand a bring you to awareness. 

This is not the end for Mel, its just the beginning!

Love and Light

Face It – Workin’ on It


 Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.  ~Mac McCleary

Last week I was featuring a series of four dreams.  I introduced you to the dreamer Mel here, plus I featured a dream on Thursday here and Friday here. 

On her journeyMel has faced herself in the first dream, and began the task of ridding herself of clutter which still lies in her.  At times, during self-love work, we may become impatient.. wanting things to “work itself out” right away!  I think the following dream represents Mel’s courageous choice to do such work, however, she must give herself time, gentleness and love.

 

The Dream

This dream had me in a supermarket queue. However it was like nothing I’ve ever seen in Italy. All the people were queued in one line and when a checkout became available you moved over to your checkout. I was about three away from the front of the queue. Holding quite a heavy basket and feeling my usual mix of impatience and fear that someone would somehow push ahead of me and I would have to stand my ground. However what happened was the two people in front of me said: This is stupid. One queue when there is all that space and they moved off to join queues where the checkout wasnot yet free but soon would be. I then felt panic. Do I do what they had done or do I risk losing my space if other people behind me decide to do it even though it didn’t feel like what was expected. In the end I rushed to another checkout in a fluster. I complained a bit to the checkout girl that I felt that the other people had broken the rules and therefore I felt I had to or lose my space and the supermarket should really organise the system better but she just smiled at me. I tried empathising with her and saying ‘I bet you get people complaining all the time in your line of work?’ but still she kept smiling at me. I don’t remember anything after that.

The Interpretation

Dreaming of a supermarket seems to represent a place where you get what you need.

It may be that emotional or physical needs are not being met, and this is a place to get them.

The dreams seems to be repeating the “patience” theme. Not that you want to be first, but for once you do not want to skip and lose your turn! Its very important to you to stand your ground and NOT lose your place, or youself. You have your heavy basket, which is to be, burdens or emotional baggage that you desperately need to unload. You become very impatient in your dream (and you have admitted to being impatient in your life) and you long to assert yourself!!! What you do not realize though, that once the two people in front moved to the next line, you were NEXT in line!! But you worried anyways, and panicked.

It also seems to be (and I know) you are questioning yourself about your purpose and your place in real life.. So this dream makes much sense.

It seems you fear others getting there before you! I say take your time, and move through this flow you are living.. You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now!!! J You wont lose your place if you are kind and patient with yourself.

In the end of the dream, the cashier (she’s you again) is doing exactly what you did in the previous dream: She’s empathising with you and smiling J Keep on smiling Mel! Be patient and kind to yourself and you will get there!

Mel’s Response

Oh wow Kim! Do you think this is to do with making the changes I want to in my life too? Maybe I don’t need to do everything at once. Thank you so much!  I think we need to remember that we can’t force anything.  Things will only come to us when they are ready to come. However, when you don’t have patience this can be especially hard but we need to remember I think, that, the Universe isn’t going to let someone jump ahead of us unless they really need to be there first. ♥

 

Face In – Workin’ On It


How do the geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans, know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within, if only we would listen to it, that tells us so certainly when to go forth into the unknown.–Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

I introduced you to Mel here on Wednesday.  After “Facing Off” with herself in yesterday’s dream post here, Mel goes deep inside to discover what still needs to be cleared to continue on this amazing self-exploratory journey she is on.  As you will see, she is experiencing a “shift” in consciousness.. and things are about to get a lot better! 

The Dream

Last night I dreamed that we bought a house (this is what we are gearing towards in our life living in Italy has been a way for us to save all our spare money so we will have a deposit so to buy a house in the UK.) and as I went into it for the first time I went to go upstairs but I noticed the first part of the staircase going up was really narrow. I remember thinking that I hadn’t noticed this when we bought it. I managed to get upstairs to the first level and I realised the upstairs was bigger than I remembered and the old occupants had left a lot of their stuff. Some of this stuff would be useful but I also felt resentful that they had left their junk that we would have to spend time clearing it out. I then went through a door and there was a shop there! It was a builder’s merchants full of men and the smell of sweat and sawdust and oil and brick. I remembered that we had bought this too and they were our tenants. They didn’t really want me there so I just carried on.

I noticed they were going outside in my garden to smoke cigarettes.  I made a note in my head to look up in the contract to see if I could stop them. Then went up another level to even more rooms, and our bedrooms and realised there was even more stuff to clear out. I noticed the lady had left clothes in the wardrobe and I liked some of it and I noticed she had loads of projects like hand-made bags etc that she had made a lot of but never sold that I felt I could do something with. I met my partner upstairs, clearing things out and I mentioned that we would need to hire a skip to get rid of everything so we could start afresh and he said we couldn’t afford that as we’d sunk all of our money into the house so we might want to keep all the old furniture for a while before we stripped out the house and then found we couldn’t furnish it. I remember feeling frustrated at this for the reason that even when we get a new start there are still things we have to put up with.

The Interpretation

Remember the other day when you cried after de-cluttering your room? This is the part where you are de-cluttering your soul.  I love this dream. So representative of the process you are going through. It still amazes me how dreams work!!

New House: This house represents the new you, your essence, the “new phase” you are shifting to. The upper part of the house is usually where your thoughts lie. The narrow staircase reminds me “narrow minded” or the parts of all of us that is like so. So that you hadn’t noticed the “narrow staircase” makes me think of “today” in life, you are “opening up” to new things. Being surprised of how big it is up there, is also you realizing that things are bigger than they seem.. The old occupants stuff represent all the past hurts and regrets you may experience (resentment). In the dream you are angry about “the stuff” you didn’t notice before, you are opening up, and you understand you must spend time clearing out the clutter in your mind which still resides there. Also, you notice the hand-made bags, those you see as useful, and I presume these represent the “tools” you can go to today to continue on your journey.

You enter another part of your mind you open that door and see: They are building something! Hard work, sweat.. *you are building something* Smoking cigarettes we know is bad,.. So what is it that you are doing that you know is bad for you? You really want to take charge of this now.. Smoking in the garden could represent something bad in a good place. Here I feel the procrastination part of you. Or it could be someone or something hurting your “sacred space”. You want to “look that up” before you stop them, instead of saying; “Hey guys, put those smokes out, this is my garden and you are not allowed to smoke here” Get it?

Rising up into your house, you dig deeper and see you still have stuff to clear out.. All the different memories are stored in those bedrooms… different things to look at and clear out. Oh and you discover stuff that you like (like you are doing now) you know what you and what you don’t want at this time in your life.. You are sifting through piece by piece.. Take what you like (like good memories ) and leave the rest.

The end of the dream is so CLEAR! The money you sunk in to your house , to me, represents the energy you put into YOU!!  If you have to take a break once and awhile until you “bank” more energy is quite alright!  Yes, there is still work to be done, it’s a process, you are frustrated with this.. Yet all this work is SO worth it.. So in the meantime keep your old furniture, choose to be happy, work with it until another new phase comes along and you can furnish it with all the love and kindness you wish.. J

Mel’s Response

Spot on I would say! Love the bit about the procrastination. This is the thing that I know is bad for me and yet it’s still here with me. I even need to go and check (read about it) how to get rid of that!

Your Turn

As I was reviewing this dream, I noticed I may have missed a few things in the interpretation.  So, my question to you is, what do you think I missed? Test out your intuition today and leave Mel and I a comment with your interpretation.

Stay tuned Monday for dream #3 while Mel is stuck at the cash in a grocery store anticipating her next move! 

Have a good weekend, and Happy Fall Equinox 2011!!

How I made the world stop by creating a halt.


“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.” ~Deepak Chopra

 

Can everyone just be quiet?!

Almost 2 years ago, in November 2009, I felt the world seemingly crashing down on me. I had an episode in the shower, which led to other health issues I needed to sort out, I wasn’t well in my body, my spirit felt broken… I felt I needed an umbrella to protect me from the falling sky, yet with every gust of wind, my protection kept on flipping upside down.

Lets go back a couple of years. In 2008 things at home where not going as planned, my relationship was taking a turn for the worst, my son was bullied at school, and I had this huge sense of always feeling overwhelmed. What was keeping me going that year, was my work. I would literally escape there.. I loved the school I was in and the kids I was teaching. However, slowly I felt the trickling of wear and tear of my home life seeping in, as the tears would start to show up there too!

In 2009, I took “the teaching contract from hell”.   I was burning out. My excitement of starting in a new school took the wayside as every eraser, pen, pencil in class was being thrown at me. These kids were NOT like the kids I was used to and I felt like I was thrown in with the sharks! No wonder I was about to fall… somehow by constantly yelling at the Universe “STOP I want to get off this damn ride” I created an opportunity to do so.

How do I love thee? Let me count the stops…

Since, March 2010.. I have almost been at a complete halt. I was put on sick leave, for a few weeks (again after being on sick leave from December to January, and began 2010 as a substitute teacher. That was when I decided I was going to think of ME and take the calls I really needed to take and leave the rest. I decided that 2011 was the year to get well and be selfish. It was the year to STOP, get off, lay low, shoot the breeze.. You get the picture.

So I put everything on pause and said:

“Wait a effin’ minute here! I matter, I’m sick and about to explode so I am taking a break” “Whomever doesn’t like what I am doing can go….. Well can go FLUFF UP A GUM TREE!”

This morning…I was reading Jo Anna Rothman’s blog post: (for some reason WordPress will not let me link to Jo Anna’s blog.  I will add the link at the end of this post.. thanks)

How I fell in love with my life

She was saying how she began courting herself as she not longer wanted to feel crappy:  she created an opening…  she states:

“I paid attention to my needs. My wants. My desires.”

That is all we have to do right?  And so it is…

Well guess what? This summer I courted myself. At first, I felt guilty, lazy, dumb, selfish (in a bad way) and spoiled.. All the names you would call a couch potato. Although I would have preferred a spot beside a willow tree, I set up an office on my trusty couch; where I kept my journals, my online friendships, all here in my laptop, on my couch, in my office. I did my spiritual work, my blogging, my dream interpretations. I was (and still am) actually BUILDING something. The kids visit me here, and I close the lappy if they need my time and my attention.. Even my dogs joined in the fun!

Now, if you haven’t stopped reading because you think I’m a crackpot, let me explain. I still washed dishes, cooked dinner, cleaned house (sort of lol) took care of teen crises, loved, tucked in , laughed and played. However, most of the time the need to just be, to be quiet and alone was greater. The need to connect, to write, to draw, to listen, to read, to analyse, to discover, to reflect, to rest… was way more important than continuing the cycle I was on. The pendulum had to swing completely to the right from the left to come back in the middle.

This is where I am at NOW! Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I felt good, and the feeling was almost foreign to me. I felt relaxed, uninterrupted by my mind, my thoughts or my fears. I held on being in that vortex for as long as I could. Today I feel the same…. Yet I am not going to JUMP off my couch and run the marathon. This time.. I am going to break out slowly. The amazing circle of friends I have met online, has really encouraged me to spend less time online. When I log back on, I know they are still there. I don’t feel like I’ve missed anything.. On the contrary, going back online hours later is filled with more discoveries. Also, I connect more with myself, I don’t delve into the internet to escape from what I am feeling.

My Life is My Creation

So even if my soon to be X was concerned all summer that I did absolutely nothing, and I am sure others were worried.. I did something important that not everyone will understand.. And that’s ok with me! I would be worried if I didn’t have the urge to get up anymore… but I do!! I needed this time desperately and finally I was able to listen to what my mind, my spirit and my body needed.

Now my body needs excercise and good healthy food. My mind needs for me to keep up on not taking it so seriously, my spirit needs to continue to fall in love with myself.

This time, I’ll know to take short breaks in between and not procrastinate when I hear my senses calling. I’ll know when to say “Yes I can” and be comfortable saying “No thanks I cannot”. I know when to stop and when to go.. When to laugh and when to cry.. And know when it rains its ok to get wet.. And when its sunny.. Sometimes you can get burned. The signs are there.. All in balance.. One baby step at a time.

Jo Anna’s blog could be found here:

http://www.receivingproject.com/how-i-fell-in-love-with-my-life

To teach or not to teach… that is the question I ask. (via Northward Bound)


With the school year approaching fast. I felt the need to revisit this post I wrote in March. Overwhelmed is the feeling I get when I think I am going to eventually set my foot back in a classroom.

With all the changes I am going through… Breakup, trying to find a new place, will I be strong enough?

To teach or not to teach... that is the question I ask. When I turned 40 I was on top of the world, feeling great, feeling sexy and I had a plan. I knew where I was going and the Universe seemed to be conspiring on my behalf. I followed its lead and ended up teaching again.`You see, in 1996 I graduated from Concordia University with a Bachelors in Education. I received my teaching permit and received an immediate contract. I did not have my own classroom mind you, however, I was teaching Math to secon … Read More

via Northward Bound