Time to Take OUT the Garbage!


Open your mind, allow your feelings to be expressed, to be pushed out, and your heart will neither break nor burst, but be a free-flowing channel of the life energy in your soul.

°~Neale Donald Walsch

I must admit, once upon a time, I was a borderline hoarder. In my 20’s I would keep piles and piles of dishes on the counter of my sink. Hundreds of old newspapers waiting to be recycled, would line up in my hallway. My room was rarely clean, and I always had a storage room full to the brim.

Then, in my 30’s, when my children came along, I decided it was important to rid myself of clutter. This would happen every time I move, and I moved often, and more and more things would finally disappear from my life. I was never ever good a housecleaning though. Cleaning was always a challenge, and I always found something better to do.

When spring sprang out of nowhere, and the sun sparkled on all my belongings, I noticed the dust and grime left over from a deep dark winter and felt quite overwhelmed. My soul cried out for order.   Out came the Pledge, the Windex and rolls of paper towels. I would finally clean a 6 month’s worth of dirt and grime.

God this is taking FOREVER!

As I went through this process every year, I started asking myself, why do I  let things go so far? Why do I create so much work for myself? Instead of cleaning on a regular basis, I left, for example,  the leftovers in the fridge go until new breeds of mushrooms were born! I had no choice but to clean these awful things out, and as I opened each container  (or just throw a perfectly good Tupperware out entirely) of “whateverthisgreenstuffis” I would gag and cough as I chucked the obnoxiousness out.

WHY DO I PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS?

Cleaning time for me, is when I had company coming over. This was rare, however, I did have get-togethers with family or sometimes friends. This is when I frantically run all over the house making it look and smell like it was clean all along. I was so tired by the time everyone got to my place, that I had to put on the mask of hostess on and pretend I was happy.

AHA! Pretend I was happy! What a statement!

Fast forward to 2012. I am in my new place, I am committed to making this a “no clutter zone” and I am doing terrific at it. I clean regularly, no I am not perfect, but I will not feel uncomfortable now if you just popped in (although I would probably say: don’t mind the dishes, as they are STILL sitting on the counter.)

I’ve always known that what lurks inside of ourselves, often manifests on the outside. Meaning, our immediate environment. That our “home” is a reflection of our soul. Since our soul is our home, it makes total sense no? So, as this process continues with me, I noticed this week, that although in therapy I am now healing a lifetime of soul clutter, there was still one more thing I needed to deal with. The garbage!!! The ugly, stinking, piling up garbage.

Peeling away the layers comes with going deep, and sometimes going deep stinks! As I go to where no Kim has gone before, I noticed one thing in my apartment that was truly bugging me. The garbage pails are all full! I would go to the bathroom and stuff that kleenex in the waste basket until garbage was overflowing. I would curse at the kitchen garbage, because when it did come time to “take it out” it was so full I couldn’t tie it. Then there’s the balcony. I had kept garbage on the balcony all winter, and it finally dawned on me: Why the heck do I do this to myself? STILL!!

Speaking with my good friend Sylvia, we came up with: You keep the garbage to keep people out! You keep the garbage to keep your truth from exploding! You keep the garbage because what is coming up inside you is old garbage which needs healing. So, in one swoop of the wrist, I took all the garbage, filled 2 bags, and brought it to my front door in such a fury, like the power of a lioness. I marched downstairs to the dumpster, and threw the bags in so hard and yelled “F YOU!!

Eff you effing garbage get out of my LIFE!”

The picture below relates to the poem Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would not take the garbage out.  by Shel Silverstein Go take a read and come back! 

Now I hope the neighbors were not watching, because they would probably think I just fell of my rocker. In a sense, I did lose it, however, it was for a really good cause: – me!  The rage had to come up, in order for me to release it. I needed to tell off the the stinking mess. I am so sick and tired of CREATING trash!

The next trip to my therapist came the next day, and guess what? Yep, stuff, feelings, experiences, that I didn’t even know where bothering me came up so strong I cried for 5 minutes in my chair. I discovered, that I was carrying trash in myself that needed disposing.

I discovered, that I was in love with everyone else’s potential and not mine. I discovered that I can trust myself again, but in the past I didn’t and I discovered that the garbage in my apartment and the garbage in my soul was a way to keep people OUT! I built walls I didn’t even know where there.

So now, I can slowly start dismantling them, one at a time, so that I can eventually create friendships, and relationships that matter.

Now Mr Glad .. I’m kicking the garbage to the curb! I’m getting mad so I can get glad!

Time to let love in!

Love your trash and set it free!

You can read the follow up to this post:

HERE:  Spring Of Life

Kim 

Seasons: Fury or Bliss?


Let us love winter, for it is the spring of genius.  ~Pietro Aretino

Watching the fury of the snowfall today reminds me of a post that came to me the other day while walking to the store.

It was a sunny springlike day.  The sun was warm and the snow was melting.. I could even hear the sounds of the birds whom had awakened from their winter nap.  All of a sudden, I noticed a paper cup on the ground, then a food wrapper..  Further down, there was a McDonald’s fry container swimming in a puddle of ancient snow water.. When I thought to myself:  “God.. people can’t wait to throw their stuff away in the garbage”  I mean, there are garbage cans every few blocks.

Then it dawned on me.  We do this.. We do this in our lives.  We take garbage and throw it at ourselves, or we let others throw their garbage at us and we take it!

So I started going through the seasons and saw the seasons as a spiraling cycle of growth a continuum of sorts…  As I walked.. This inspiration came:

Summertime… A time for sun and fun, we are enjoying the outdoors.. swimming, camping enjoying those warm summer evenings under the stars.. However, summer is also a time of great energy and vacation.. We may ignore certain things which need to be done for the pleasure of fun!  This is a good thing.. however, things may pile up in summer… So think of your soul as summer.  Which part of summer are you in?

For example, you are not well, the energy is low and maybe you are in a bad relationship.. During the summer you may allow things like insults, or drama to clutter your life, and close your eyes to things that you love.. art, play and put off the important things like health, meditation or reading.. Maybe you stopped paying the bills, and your finances are in shambles.. but its summer right! We can take care of that later.

Bittersweet October.  The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter.  ~Carol Bishop Hipps

Then fall arrives, the leaves start falling.. and clutter the ground.. It can be a beautiful time.. a time of nostalgia and beauty.. yet, it can also be the time the veil starts to drop and it is gets darker.. Things begin to get covered up.. we slowly lose sight of the garbage due to the wet leaves .. Some will relish in picking up these leaves and jump in them.. some will ignore they are there, continue on their path and let them crunch under their feet.

As, November arrives, and the snow starts falling.. more and more garbage is hidden.. and full into January.. the garbage is lost in a mound of snow.  (Now this analogy works well in Northern parts of the world, however, I think those south can get the gist)…. When something is hidden, it is never forgotten.  It remains in the back of our minds.. and it becomes clutter.. The bills still need to get paid (are they piling up?)  your needs still need to be met (are you listening to what you want?) When is the last time you visited the doctor?

Snow storms, can represent a fun time, however, for those who are cluttered with day-to-day things and depression.. snow storms can represent the drama and anxiety we can experience, if, we do not tend to what is underneath.  Our spirits talk to us in various ways, dreams, for example, are sending us messages that something may be wrong.  We tend to dream often in the winter of our lives and they will never let you forget what you need and want in your life… Pay attention to the signs and symbols coming into your life..

Then we get to the point of thawing out.. That is when we discover our clutter.. Its been there all along, lining the virtues of our soul.. Reminding us its time to clean up.. de-clutter.. Rid ourselves of the drama we have created.  Releasing the stories we’ve been telling ourselves.

It’s spring fever.  That is what the name of it is.  And when you’ve got it, you want – oh, you don’t quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!  ~Mark Twain

Springtime! A time of rebirth… growth.. love!  So.. we pick up our shovels or pens and clean up.  We may write in our diaries, and shed a relationship or two.  In every authentic way possible, we clean up to simplify.   The veil is lifted and we feel whole again.

However, while the veil is lifting, sometimes it is hard to look at the truth.  Be kind to yourself in spring.  First face the garbage, and with baby steps.. slowly clean it up.. piece by piece.. and let the Universe take care of the rest.  Hibernation is over, and the process has begun.  Healing is occurring as we speak!

Coming into May.. the flowers bloom, and have room to grow.. because we groomed the soil.. shed some light and watered our dreams.

Summer is full of love again!! Eyes are opened, souls are blooming! This time.. fall is for harvesting and winter is for cocooning and as the seasons continue to circle.. the cycles are easier and easier…

In reality.. This is my story.. it may be yours too.. Yet as the seasons pass,  I realise I am whole and worthy.  No more garbage.  Yet, when I see it pile up.. I know when its time to de-clutter.  Its a cycle which will never end, however, it gets easier every single year.

Kim

Easter to me is…. life


Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life.

~S.D. Gordon

What amazes me about spring is how everything seems to come back to life. Every bit of nature awakens…no longer dormant from the long winter. Even the birds seem to come alive to sing their songs of love. Neighbours come out of their homes frantically cleaning every part of their yard, and throwing out things from their homes no longer needed. Those things, in turn, may go in a garage sale, and they too regain life and energy because someone else saw their worth.

So speaking in terms of Easter and resurrection, this: “the renewal of life” is what Easter/Passover mean to me. As a child born in a Catholic family, I’ve always embraced stories from the Bible and put them into contexts I could understand. This religion my parents passed on to me is not something I practice; however, I take with me great stories, which help me on this journey I am on today. Passover broken in two is pass over… and to me this means moving on, turning the page, and renewal. Both Easter and Passover to me, have similar messages to pass… over!

It is no wonder the egg, the flower and the rabbit (fertility and rebirth) have become symbols this time of year, their reference to abundance and life ring true. Our children can believe that nothing remains stagnant and everything is there for them in the palms of their hands, and by just planting one seed… everything can multiply a million times.

In this short post, to those who celebrate life, take time to review about what this time of the year means to you and please feel free to share with me.

Happy Sunday! Happy Easter! Happy Renewal Day! Happy Life!! Happy Spring!

Authenticity in spring cleaning – In any season


“The longest journey is the journey inward” Dag Hammarkjold

One of the main goals in soul searching, for me, was finding my authentic self.  Sarah Ban Breathnach, in her infamous book Simple Abundance, states we are at our best authentic self around age 10, right before society grabs hold of our thoughts, feelings, and values. In turn, these contaminants lead some of us to endless self-doubt and low self worth.

In order to sift through all the clutter I had accumulated in my soul, I performed rounds and rounds of spring-cleaning and this in any season. To find who I truly am, I had to sort through heartaches, disappointments, comparisons, expectations, old arguments, well.. you get the picture. I also physically took out all my old boxes and returned into my past. I created a timeline of events, of accomplishments elements I set out to accomplish, and actions, which, brought me happiness. Revisiting yourself is so worth it!

It was, I must admit, a very challenging task, yet a task, which led me to discover a most fascinating person: ME! A person I had forgotten so much; yet a person I had remembered so much.

This past month, I have been spring-cleaning again. What I have learned over the years is: The cleaning does not take as long as it used to, and I remember very quickly my authenticity. At 45, I have no time to wear a mask! I refuse to be anyone else.

I am the fire in firecracker, the crack in crackpot, and the bow in rainbow!

…. to be continued

J

Do you remember youself at 10? I do. I was bright, smily, sensitive, and idealistic. I was full of wonder, magical thoughts, and I believed in fairies. I loved to swing, eat lots of candy, and make things out of mud.

In the comment section. Describe youself at 10. I’m curious. J