Without Him

My son cried last night in such a rage.  He is angry.

He is angry at me, he is angry at his step-father, he is angry at the world… but really the person he is really mad at is his father.  I knew this day would come where I had to finally let him hear the truth he has been constantly denying for awhile.  His real dad, doesn’t care.

How tough is that, especially for a boy, to realize your own father has abandoned you for all eternity.  This is how he feels.  All my son’s life, I’ve been trying to compensate for his dad who, cannot take responsability for the 4 children he put on this earth (two of which are mine).

How unfair for him!  Never to be held by a man, by a mentor, by an uncle or especially his dad!!  How unfair he never got to see a game, catch a ball or just hang out.  How unfair he now has to be bullied and taunted because.. ..”well he’s different having been raised by women”… Its not fair!!! no its not… really!

This is a critical time in my son’s life.  He’s pre-teen.  What do I do??? Where do I turn??? Who is going to help him get through this.. I know I am giving him all I have.  Yes he has a step-dad, however, it hasn’t been easy for my son to get close.  He is still hoping his father will come and save him:  his hero:

Death of a Hero

Last night, his hero died, and my son cried

his magical mind corrupted by time..

left all alone as his heart turns to stone.

All I can do is hold his hand.. and let him stand

Hug him tight with all my might

but I cannot replace

the male verson of this race…


I need to write this today, as a cry for my son..