“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
A few weeks ago I made some huge decisions in my life. Big changes are on the horizon for me in the children and I am anxious to begin this new phase. Although one should not wait to live or to be happy (see yesterday’s post) I feel like I am in an “In between” phase.. The place of waiting. Although I do not want to wait to live, be happy or enjoy what is around me, I find myself, at times, on the edge of “self-pity” and doubt. I am human, we all have human experiences, and I must not deny the feelings which arise. However, I do not want to live in the house of “poor me” for too long, so after a few minutes of tears and complaining, I try to let go. Surrender is quite a challenge.
The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
Last night I had a dream. I was on a beach with my children, the person I am living with and my mom. This beach had many people and I felt I was close to home. It was night time and we were looking at the stars. I remember looking up at the sky and seeing beautiful shiny things, more than we see in our waking lives. Behind us were storm clouds with lightening bolts going though them, I remember them looking red and ominous. Across the water was an island (a place I knew existed but had never been before), above that island were more storm clouds with the same fiery red color. In between and above us were beautiful starry skies.
I decided that I had to take my family across the river to see the place we’ve never been before (I am pretty sure we crossed by boat) My mom and the person I live with, along with my children, were coming with me. When we got to the other side, I felt like a tourist. Things seemed more closed in and I didn’t feel the vastness I felt just where I was standing previously.
I met up with a person named Les (who lives in my current town) and asked her about what we were looking at. There was a bridge in front of me was hiding my view of the beach we were previously on, and to the right was another obstacle (mountains I think).
In my mind, in the dream, I was assuming Les wanted me to take a picture of her, since I was holding a camera and I was also assuming Les was angry because I wasn’t going to take a picture of her with her boyfriend. (weird)
I spoke to Les about having friends, but that I was stopping myself socially because of my anxiety. I also told her I wanted people to come see me! (Which in real life goes against my Gemini North Node).
There is a bit more to this dream, however, it is quite blurry….
I know this has to to with my fear of what lies ahead. Where I am going to go, how will I do financially, and becoming a single parent again.
Like everything else in life, I can point out things in other people’s dreams quite well yet sometimes, miss things in mine.
What do you think I am REALLY dreaming about? Test your intuition! I am open to your feelings about this.